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Love and Jealousy Create Mid Life Crisis Last month I wrote about an episode of the Jerry Springer program where a bride to be was betrayed by her husband to be and her maid of honor having sex together. The episode was full of cat fights which apparently fuels the show's ratings. There really wasn't much of a chance for any of the participants to experience any personal growth or personal change of any significance. In fact, it was more of a humanity train wreck. In spite of the train wreck, there was a tremendous opportunity for personal growth but unfortunately Jerry is not attuned to that aspect. The entire train wreck of humanity was due to all the participants having no self worth—something Jerry never touched on. Spirituality? Not even touched upon. It's very much like all of his guests were devoid of any sense of spirituality and what a shame. Each talked about love as it is something you acquire and then own. Each talked about their significant other as a possession. The betrayed fiancee' spoke of still wanting to marry the guy, but blamed his straying on her best friend who was now her enemy.

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There were two middle life crisises going on. The fiancé was holding onto rejection and betrayal from five or six years ago when his wife to be (as a 19yr old) had sex with another young man. The fiancé could only see it as rejection and could only adopt the rhetoric of “she broke the bond.” In his mind there was a bond and she broke it and he never let go of it. Maybe his feelings towards women in general have forever been tainted.
How could a dose of spirituality change the results of this tragedy? Answer: It's important to first know about love. Love does not own nor is it contingent on anything. If the young man truly loved his girlfriend, then he would have expanded that love to include any boyfriend she might choose and to love her. He might not have liked the situation but he would have wanted her to have had the opportunity to love others. Of course with no self worth, he could not get beyond anger and rejection. It was the only way he could perceive the situation.
What about the jilted fiancée? Answer: Same deal. She would have loved her maid of honor and gladly given him to her for their happiness together. She may not have liked the situation, yet she would have loved the two of them and wished them the best or maybe it might have been a threesome.
How do you get to this level of living? Answer: Know yourself and be confident in yourself. Her plan was to get married and live happily ever after. But then, life is more often about the plans that fall through than it is about the plans that we make. Knowing that as a reality, it's important to like yourself unconditionally. And this is the kind of thinking that goes with this reality:
If we get married and are happy, I'll be happy and I'll like myself.
If our plans fall through and my maid of honor and fiancee' get intimate, I'll be disappointed and hurt and I still like me.
And then trust in your love for both of them and instead of taking the event personally, it's like a pebble that tripped you as you were roller skating.
What could Jerry Springer do with this approach? Entertain and a lot more.
Dealing with a life crisis is about getting to the heart of the source of your self worth—how you have identified yourself and then redefining yourself for your new circumstances. One day man may get beyond the need to define himself in the first place which would immunize him to any life crisis—but then he might not seem human. So it would make sense that a person with a low ego would have a high level of self worth. No, a low ego is only a prerequisite to a high level of self worth. The problem is that those with a low ego generally feel inferior and badly about themselves. In fact they often don't like themselves. So we're at a catch 22 situation. However, it can be said that it's easier for a person with low ego to build self worth than it is for a person with a high ego. The reason being is that a person with high ego is addicted to manipulating and controlling others and may likewise be addicted to greediness.
Just how is self worth built? To do so it's important to move to a different game in town. Those who build self worth by building ego or self importance usually strive to excel at something. Their ego and self worth is dependent upon their ability to maintain that level of self importance. If they lose whatever they have built their ego upon, they drop into a mid life crisis and they have no self worth while in crisis.
What is the different game? Answer: Self worth is something that is built day after day. We all have goals and when we achieve them we feel good about ourselves. That's the easy part and is no different than we've been doing all our lives. The problem is that life is more often about the plans (goals) that fall through—the disappointments in life. The goal is to choose to feel good about you when your plans fall through too. Feel good about you on a “bad hair day.” Rather than get into self put downs for making mistakes, you learn how to feel and experience the disappointments and stop being your disappointment. Instead, choose to like you no matter what which is what my writings are about.

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Resource Box:

Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E. NGH certified, a prominent figure in the personal change field. His aim is to make it possible for anyone to improve and build self worth.
For more information please visit http://www.DStressDoc.com/Self_Worth.html 
He has several websites with self help materials:
Self help mp3 downloads for you personal change and improvement plan at http://www.DstressDoc.com
How to Build and Improve Self Worth at http://www.SelfEsteemCure.com
Stop Binging and Comfort Eating at http://www.EmotionalEatingCure.com
Over come panic disorder with agoraphobia at http://www.PanicBusters.com
Pendulums for self discovery at http://www.PendulumWarehouse.com
Special Diet for Morgellons and Skin Parasites at http://www.SkinParasitesEbook.com