|How to Build and Improve Self Worth
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I could ask dozens of similar questions and one of them had a "Yes" It could have been as simply being asked what we want to be when we grow up which indirectly says "you're not much now, but one day by having the right career, marrying the right person, doing something like your older brother (sister)... you'll be somebody."
Or maybe we learned from our parents, teachers, friends that "self praise stinks" and to love yourself is an egoistical thing to do. We adopted behaviors so we'd never be criticized for loving ourselves too much. So we began to play our value down and we ended up believing we have little value.
Of course we observed others too. We saw that when others were successful at something they felt good about themselves. We began believing that accomplishments breed self esteem and that failure breeds self contempt.
When we got compliments from others we felt good about ourselves and when those compliments (for whatever reason) weren't there or we were criticized or even thought someone might criticize us we felt less about ourselves.
The point is at some point, things changed-either we believed undeserved destructive criticism as one might find in an alcoholic family, or we came to our own conclusions that questioned our value. We compared ourselves with others and fell short. Somehow we learned that to feel good about ourselves we had to be accomplished, married or in love with the right person, educated, socially popular, talented, physically attractive And as long as we could measure up to these qualities or goals, then we could feel good about ourselves. If we fell short of achieving our goals (weren't as popular as others, didn't get the best of grades, didn't measure up talent wise...), then we felt less of ourselves.
We even learned that when we're happy we can feel good about ourselves and when we're down, depressed, lonely, in despair, angry, frustrated, there's no reason to feel good about ourselves. We adopted a belief that says that we must have a reason to feel good about ourselves and it should be tempered because if we feel too good we'll appear as being egotistical.
Building self esteem is something you do everyday. It's to realize that:
Comparing ourselves to anyone else is to kill self esteem
Some of our best laid plans (goals) will simply fall through.
We are emotional beings and rather than be ruled by our emotions we can acknowledge them, embrace them, and move through them.
We each are a child of the universe deserving of feeling good about ourselves regardless of what we do or don't do.
We only feel less about ourselves because of what we've learned to believe.
Love of our physical, emotional, and spiritual self is deserved and until we can love ourselves, it's unlikely that another can love us.
Egotistical people really don't love themselves.
Out of every fallen plan or disappointment is an opportunity to somehow:
Benefit from it.
Move beyond it.
Learn from mistakes.
Truly forget about it.
Let it go.
Profit from the experience.
And then, most importantly, self esteem is something you build everyday by assuring yourself that when things:
Work out as planned, you like yourself, and that you are a fine person;
Fall through and you're
disappointed, upset, angry that you embrace the emotion and likewise like
yourself--that you are a fine person regardless of the outcome.
--end of article--______________________________________________________________________
Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E. NGH certified, a prominent figure in the personal change field. His aim is to make it possible for anyone to improve and build self worth.
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