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Unconditional Love and How to Build Build Self Worth  Actually the idea of unconditional love is not new--it's been around a long long time. I think Jesus might be credited for it or maybe Mohammad. But it's not a religious thing. A key on how to build self worth is to achieve unconditional love. Problem is that in our formative years we're never told about it or what it is and many of us never even hear about it during our entire life. We're taught the possessive kind of love which ends up stifling the best of personal change and growth ideals. What is the possessive kind of love? Answer: It's in our language, emotion, and knowing. He's my husband, she's my wife, they're my kids, and so on which is like saying: It's my car; it's her house; or it's their business or company. Even though we may not consciously think of the ones we love as possessions, we end up attaching ourselves to them as we often do to our possessions. It's the way we also learn how to build and improve our self worth. In other words, we feel better about ourselves with our loved ones in our life. Not that that's wrong, but it can be a costly way of how to build or improve self worth—will explain later. Unfortunately for many, our spouses and children may be our most prized possessions. Just as the brand new Mercedes for Christmas has a big red bow, we put a big red bow in our minds over the ones we love that enshrouds them. And just as we proudly drive that new Mercedes down the street we parade our spouse, children and loved ones in front of society. In reality though, many of us often build and improve our self worth with possessions. We feel better about ourselves knowing that our career or job is secure, our investment portfolio is performing well, our philanthropies are yielding results, our loved ones are there for us whenever we want them, and so on. Unfortunately if we lose a possession, our self worth can be in jeopardy and actually create a mid life crisis. So to keep from losing our possessions that we are fearful of losing, there are often control issues which lead to resentment in one's personal relationships.

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What is unconditional love? Answer: You could almost say that it's the opposite of possessive love and that means instead of it being “your” spouse or child, you're “honored” to have that person or child in your life. You love them no matter what they do—even if they leave you. Now you may not like what they do or their behaviors, but nevertheless you love them. You love them if they are there for you and you love them if they leave you. There are no control issues or fears.
But do those with high egos have a high level of self worth? The answer is “No.” And the reason is this: They are never satisfied with what they have in life and they constantly have to demonstrate and prove their importance. And to this end they often are greedy or take unfair advantage of others or manipulate others to prove their self importance.
Those with high ego are often very possessive and can easily be jealous of others. They are likewise incapable of unconditional love.
Just how do you build and improve self worth? Answer: You build it on yourself—not your possessions. If you build it on your possessions you may have no self worth if you lose any of your possessions upon which you're depend. If you learn how to build self worth on you, you'll still have you after you go through the frustration and upset of loss and you'll still like you. You'll be free of needing something or someone in order to feel good about you.
Let's look at the modern world of relationships. If you read the profiles of dozens of men and women on the dating sites, many of them want honesty. Why? Because they had a loved one who strayed to another relationship and left them for another man or woman. They blame their loss on the fact that their spouse was dishonest. In other words, when the spouse was supposedly working overtime, he/she was actually fooling around with another lover.
A book could be written about all the different dynamics that lead to a spouse straying from a relationship ending in a mid life crisis. In fact I believe that statistics actually say that more women stray than men so it's not just a guy thing.
Problem is that for a large majority of women and men, they can't handle honesty without going off the deep end. They can't handle the idea that maybe they are falling short on their end of the relationship. Then they can't handle the idea that their husband or wife is compensating by seeing someone else. In the case of the controlling husband, he can't handle the idea that his wife is not sitting there as a piece of furniture under his control.
When I say they can't "handle" I mean they get jealous and go off into feeling hurt, rejection, anger, and depressed which is far away from love or loving. Maybe it's idealistic, but how we live our lives in this possessive model isn't working very well. Maybe there's an “in between”, but until we get the dialogue going, nothing changes and we'll never find it.
Those who live in the possessive kind of love want a "our partners won't leave us" guarantee. That's an impossible guarantee. On one extreme, one's partner could be killed in an auto accident. Do you know that there's a 30-50% chance that once one's spouse dies, that he/she will also die within six months? That's what we've learned--how to build and improve self worth from the existence of our partner whether we love them or bicker and argue with them all day long while they are alive. So when our partner dies or our wife or husband goes off and screws some one else, we lose our identity (self esteem down the toilet) and find ourselves in a mid life crisis. What a pitttttty as the result is zero chance of any personal change or growth.
So just how would honesty work with unconditional love? Answer: Husband might say to spouse, “Honey I love you and have met someone else whose companionship I also enjoy and with whom I'd also like to be physically intimate.” Spouse would reply:
a. “I love you and I'm disappointed. I'm unwilling to share you in an intimate relationship. I wish you the best and release you to your greater good.”
b. “I love you and although I'm shocked, I give you space to be with both of us as I trust your judgment in others after all you chose me.”
c. “I love you and maybe if I like her too we could all be friends and do things together.”
This is unconditional love and would work with either sex, but let's take small steps. This is not new thinking as I've written earlier in this article, it's been around since Jesus or even before him. However, it may be new to you. So just as no one could imagine a boat going underwater, Jules Vern stimulated the imagination to create submarines as reality. Either way, there is no right or wrong kind of love although the possessive kind of love carries a very high price tag such as a mid life crisis and the stifling of any personal growth or personal change. So it would make sense that a person with a low ego would have a high level of self worth. No, a low ego is only a prerequisite to a high level of self worth. The problem is that those with a low ego generally feel inferior and badly about themselves. In fact they often don't like themselves. So we're at a catch 22 situation. However, it can be said that it's easier for a person with low ego to build self worth than it is for a person with a high ego. The reason being is that a person with high ego is addicted to manipulating and controlling others and may likewise be addicted to greediness.
Just how is self worth built? To do so it's important to move to a different game in town. Those who build self worth by building ego or self importance usually strive to excel at something. Their ego and self worth is dependent upon their ability to maintain that level of self importance. If they lose whatever they have built their ego upon, they drop into a mid life crisis and they have no self worth while in crisis.
What is the different game? Answer: Self worth is something that is built day after day. We all have goals and when we achieve them we feel good about ourselves. That's the easy part and is no different than we've been doing all our lives. The problem is that life is more often about the plans (goals) that fall through—the disappointments in life. The goal is to choose to feel good about you when your plans fall through too. Feel good about you on a “bad hair day.” Rather than get into self put downs for making mistakes, you learn how to feel and experience the disappointments and stop being your disappointment. Instead, choose to like you no matter what which is what my writings are about.

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Resource Box:

Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E. NGH certified, a prominent figure in the personal change field. His aim is to make it possible for anyone to improve and build self worth.
For more information please visit http://www.DStressDoc.com/Self_Worth.html 
He has several websites with self help materials:
Self help mp3 downloads for you personal change and improvement plan at http://www.DstressDoc.com
How to Build and Improve Self Worth at http://www.SelfEsteemCure.com
Stop Binging and Comfort Eating at http://www.EmotionalEatingCure.com
Over come panic disorder with agoraphobia at http://www.PanicBusters.com
Pendulums for self discovery at http://www.PendulumWarehouse.com
Special Diet for Morgellons and Skin Parasites at http://www.SkinParasitesEbook.com